Guiding Through the Darkness- Chapter 2

 Patrick Donahue finished his push ups just as the guard came to escort him to the room he would face his reckoning. It wasn't something he was looking forward to but it needed to be done. The guard gave him a once over shaking his head at what he saw. Patrick looked nothing like the 18 year old kid he was when he was arrested. He had developed muscles from the continuous working out he did, hoping to wear himself out enough to not face the endless nightmares that plagued him. It never worked but at least the constant pushing of his body to the brink was enough to make him feel exhaustion. He also had several tattoos. The only ones that mattered were the first three he got, the names of the people whose lives ended too soon because of his carelessness. He used it as a constant reminder so he would never forget what his mistakes cost. He made certain to make himself look like a toughened evil murderer. He'd gotten into enough fights that he had several scars, let himself be beaten to within an inch of his life on several occasions hoping to feel even an ounce of redemption but none of it worked. He shaved off his hair helping to make him look older than the 21 years he actually was. His hazel eyes held a constant anguish and coldness that he never had before that night 3 years ago. If the guard hadn't seen the changes in him over the last three years, he never would have believed it was the same kid. He knew his family wouldn't recognize him, but that didn't matter when the kid wouldn't let them visit. He was surprised about the fact that Patrick was willing to meet someone today but what the guard didn't realize was what Patrick was actually doing. 

Patrick felt tremendous guilt, hurt and anguish on a daily basis but he knew it was nothing compared to the pain that Samantha dealt with from losing her family. And he knew it was all his fault. Three years ago, he had been at a party just like he had done several times before. He wasn't an overly popular guy but had several popular friends on the football team including Jake, the quarterback which he had known since kindergarten. It got him invited to several parties and he enjoyed the benefits of being connected to the hot quarterback that everybody wanted to know. Jake and Patrick had formed a quick bond on the playground during recess in kindergarten when Patrick had stood up for Jake from a bully. A first grader had cornered Jake and was trying to force him to give up his ball, Patrick came over and told him no. Patrick had made a big enough scene telling the first grader that he was a mean poop head that a teacher came over which had that first grader running off. Patrick got a talking to about his language, but he left that playground with a new best friend. When people look at them now, most people would think that Jake stood up for Patrick instead of the way it actually happened. Jake is 6' 2" tall and muscular. He has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes with an all American boy look. They had maintained their friendship throughout the years, being there for each other when they faced difficulties. Patrick and his parents were there for Jake when his parents went through their divorce when Jake was 10. Jake would come over for dinner or spend the night when the fighting was unbearable for him. Patrick's parents treated Jake like he was just another one of their children. They had each other's backs when Patrick's mom went through her battle with breast cancer. They were both so relieved when she went into remission. They had been through a lot throughout the years, but they were there for each other which lead to where they stood with their current friendship. Patrick always went to Jake's football games and Jake always brought Patrick to the events after them. 

It was a Friday night, Jake, Patrick and the rest of the football and cheerleading teams were all at the head cheerleader's house. It was something they tended to do after all the football games, get together, play stupid games and drink a few beers. These parties is where Patrick had his first kiss well first everything really. They played things like truth or dare and spin the bottle. As they got older, the games got more risque, but the nights usually ended with Patrick feeling slightly buzzed while getting everyone home. This particular Friday, he had just hooked up with Ashley (another pretty blonde cheerleader who was willing to settle for him instead of Jake) and he was waiting for the guys to be ready to head home. He dropped Jake and a couple of the other guys at home like he normally did, after all they had drank far more than he had.  His last drop off was Jake, he made sure he got in the house okay before heading towards home. He had his phone on the center console and when he went to change the song on the radio, he accidently knocked his phone on the floor. He reached down to grab it, took his eyes of the road for less than 5 seconds and that is when it happened. His car had moved into the oncoming lane and collided head first with another killing the three people inside. Both cars had massive amounts of damage, Patrick had a few scars from broken bones and a couple of surgeries required to fix them but that didn't make up for what he had caused. His family hired lawyers and tried to fight everything. His parents and Jake pushed for him to plead not guilty and pursue a trial. Patrick on the other hand wanted to be held accountable. His decisions led to the death of three people and he couldn't help but feel tremendous guilt and shame because of it. The least he could do is deal with the consequences of his actions. His lawyer convinced him to take a plea deal with him serving 10 years for manslaughter. Which brought him to where he currently was, in his cell serving his time the best way he could and getting ready to face the meeting he had been putting off for three years. 

Guiding Through the Darkness - Chapter 1

 Chapter 1

    Samantha looked in the mirror and and gave a frustrated sigh. Her red curly hair looked drab, muted and dull. She had large bags under her eyes which was a testament to how little she had been sleeping. Nightmares continuously plagued her sleep making it impossible for her to actually feel rested and they seemed to be getting worse as time went on. It had been three years and her heart still hurt as though it happened yesterday. Her whole world fell apart. Everybody else had moved on but she was stuck in this zombie like state of constant pain, exhaustion and stumbling through what is supposed to be her life. She looked at the clock and realized she needed to finish getting ready if she was going to make it on time. She opened the closet to get her jacket and saw Paul's suit coat hanging there. She had a sudden flash back to the last time she had seen him wearing it. 

    It was about a month before that dreadful day, she had been lucky enough to have finished her meetings early and was able to sneak into Paul's lecture to watch him teach about his passion. Paul was a history professor at the local university, having recently gotten his doctorate and he was thrilled to share his vast knowledge on the subject with his students. She sat in awe of him, admiring how handsome he looked in his jeans, white button down and grey suit jacket. He was tall roughly 6'2" but looked larger than life in the front of the lecture hall. His brown hair shown with what seemed like golden highlights in this light and his blue eyes sparkled behind his glasses. He kept his students engaged and interested. She wondered if she should discuss with him a few pointers to help keep her own students engaged. Although she believed that high school students are a little more difficult since college students actually chose to sit in his class, while her kids were forced to take her class to graduate. He looked up and saw her standing at the back of the room. He seemed to see something on her face as he smirked at her. He finished his lecture, assigning a reading and reminding them of their upcoming paper. He began packing up his stuff when he was approached by one of the young female students in his class. Samantha watched as the young girl attempted to flirt with Paul and slowly ran her hand down his arm in that suit coat. She giggle quietly to herself at how uncomfortable he now looked. She knew nothing was going on with this student. Paul was an incredibly loyal man and they had been together for a decade. She could tell Paul was struggling with wanting to answer her questions while maintaining the much needed distance for her to get the message. Samantha decided to help her husband out as she strolled to the front of the lecture hall and asked, "Sweetheart, you about ready to head home?" Paul sighed with relief as the young girl turned to look at Samantha. "Yeah babe. So Miss Reed, I hope you have all the information you needed for your paper. If not you can see either myself or my TA during my office hours. I hope you have a good evening." He walked directly to Samantha, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close with a kiss to her forehead. Samantha loved those kisses. They seemed to show affection, love and care all wrapped in to a few seconds. It was a wonderful feeling. 

Samantha looked down at the coat that had ended up in her hands and noticed the drop of water that landed on it. She had cried so much over the last three years she wondered how she was able to shed any more tears. After she hung the coat where it was, she wiped her cheeks, threw on her coat, grabbed her bag and headed towards her car. She checked her phone as she locked the front door making sure that there weren't any calls from Sadie. The one friend she had been able to count on who understood her inability to completely move on. It probably helped that Sadie was the principal at the school she taught at and saw her on a daily basis. Samantha had called off work today unexpectedly and she knew that Sadie would worry. Sadie is an incredible friend that isn't afraid to call you out if she feels it is needed. Sadie understood Samantha in ways that others couldn't as she had faced similar losses, not to mention she worked at the same high school that Samantha taught at. 

Samantha always looked up to Sadie since they met in college. They were both working on their bachelor degrees in education and Sadie just seemed so utterly confident in everything she did. Sadie was beautiful with her tall thin frame and caramel colored skin. She had gorgeous hazel eyes and thick curly brown hair with blond highlights. Samantha was a little intimidated by her, until they worked on a project together where Samantha realized that Sadie was very down to earth and warm. Since that day they had remained friends. When Samantha wanted to move high schools so that her and Paul were able to spend more time together, she spoke to Sadie about possibly working at the high school where she worked. Sadie was thrilled with the idea and encouraged her to apply. Even though they saw each other every day at school, they tended to get together once a month for dinner or brunch so that Paul could hang out with them as well. Paul and Sadie tended to bond over their love of American muscle cars. Not many people knew of their love of these. Paul had always wanted one and Sadie currently drove one that she had renovated with her father. They could spend hours talking about leather interior, engine parts or paint colors. She loved that her husband and friend got along so well. Sadie was devastated as well with what had happened. She tried to get Samantha to talk about things but understood everytime she refused. So she was hoping that her friend my understand her need for what was happening today. 

 After three years she felt she might actually get the closure she so desperately needed. She hadn't told anybody about what she had done or where she was headed. Which on hindsight she probably should have told Sadie. She could just picture Sadie storming to her office in her red power suit, to call Samantha and find out what was happening. The reason Samantha hadn't mentioned it was because she wasn't sure that he would ever agree or that this day would ever come. But he did and it was finally here, she was going to meet the man who had killed her husband and parents. 

Guiding Through the Darkness - Prologue

Prologue

    Samantha gasps, shooting straight up in bed in a blind panic. It is so dark and she can't seem to control her breathing and her chest feels tight. She reaches next to her searching for her anchor, the one who can make everything alright and make sense. There are only cold sheets as if he hasn't been in the bed next to her for awhile. But he never would have left her here by herself, not with everything that has happened. She tries calling for him, but it is hard to get the words past her tight throat and she is still trying to take a full breath. He is never that far though he should have heard her. She starts to panic further because he should have come running. Where was he? She grabs her phone off the nightstand. Wait nightstand!!!! No, No, No...She can't be back now. Not after everything. How could this happen now? Not when she finally seemed to find the truth. To find her place and him. She looked around wondering if she could survive it a second time. She isn't sure she can to be completely honest. The panic is getting worse, because now she is alone facing everything again, knowing exactly how hard it is going to be. As she continued to try to ease her breathing, searching for anything to hold onto knowing that she needed to be stronger if there was anyway to face everything let alone survive. All she sees is darkness and loneliness. Then she remembers his words that he used to whisper in her ear. "There is a light inside you that makes you stronger than you think. When you need it, reach for it and everything will be alright." She closed her eyes searching for that light, looking for the strength she needed. Finally, she was able to draw in a deep breath. She opened her eyes and said, "I will find you."